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In the End

life

My heart is full today. So many emotions as I look at the flowers hanging on the door. The note beside the flowers said it all…closed to celebrate the life of one of our staff members.

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Southeast Christian Church, the place I serve and love, bid farewell to a long-time member who fought a hard fight against cancer.

I’m reminded of my friend, Jan, today as she was preparing to leave. So many similarities. So little time. So loved by many. She fought cancer as well, with a shorter battle in the end. And it’s that phrase, in the end, that gives me pause.

This brave and beautiful woman fought hard to the end. Was it just last week? Her beloved husband and daughters did too, as did so many people…family, friends and fellow-believers.

The church bookstore where she worked, closed their doors today to commemorate and celebrate this woman’s life. Because that’s what happens in the end.

Do we celebrate because we know it’s the end of her pain? Or do we celebrate because we know the end isn’t really the end at all?

We celebrate lives well-lived because we know we’ll see our loved ones again. If we believe…in the end.

The flowers hanging on the bookstore door, they must have been a favorite of hers because I saw a small vase of the very same flower sitting in another area of our huge church building.

There was a theme in our church today, as we said “Goodbye”. There is a theme in life as well…in the end.

I never met this woman face-to-face, but I feel like I know her. I listened to friends tell stories of her life today. As they talked you could feel the love and sense that this woman was pretty special indeed.

Her fight is over and she has entered into the rest and joy of the Lord. Her family and friends are left to do life without her, knowing that one day soon, they will see her again.

Because in the end, we all have an end.

 

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End Of Watch

life

I attended a funeral for a fallen officer today. I wasn’t planning on attending, although I had heard of the tragic death of this thirty year old man while on duty. I was taken by the phrase, End of Watch-March 29, 2017, which was placed on a photo of this man in uniform, with our city in the background.

Louisville, fallen officer, Nick Rodman, funeral of a fallen officer

We all have an End of Watch in our future.

Today, for a few brief hours, I sat among 5,000+ family, friends, fellow officers from all around the country, and concerned and caring citizens of this city we call home. It was moving in so many ways.

The reason I attended is because this funeral was held in the church I attend and work. It is part of my job description to assist in special events, and this one required a lot of help! I was fortunate enough to sit and listen to this young man being honored by his chief, fellow platoon members and our mayor.

Someone I didn’t know personally but whose life and service has impacted me in such a way.

We who work here,  couldn’t help but to pause and pay homage to the casket which arrived the night before, draped with an American flag, in the almost-dark and quiet room. A lone officer dutifully watching. He was never left alone after being placed in the casket. An officer sat with him the entire time until the final good-byes could be said.

We who are on staff at this church couldn’t help but to stop and pay respects as a few dozen fellow-servants made a formation for the casket of the fallen officer into the sanctuary.

We couldn’t stop the tears gathering in our eyes as we gazed upon the young wife and mother to a two year old son and a one month old daughter.

We couldn’t choke back the tears as we viewed the life of this man being played out with photos on a screen, not just a faithful servant of our city, but that of a son, a brother, husband, father and so much more.

We couldn’t help but to stop as we heard the bagpipes being played proceeding the exodus of the family and the casket, walking silently through the formation of officers, as the group made their way to the hearse.

We couldn’t help but to stand at the window, our eyes fixed upon the two fire trucks, ladders raised toward each other, with an American flag connecting them, waving proudly in the sky.

The dedication and devotion to each other, those who serve our cities and nation, is something to behold. Each of them knowing as they serve their comrade one last time, they too will have an End of Watch.

That’s how life is designed. It has a beginning and an End of Watch.

I pay tribute today to all those who serve, but especially to Police officer Nick Rodman and his family. May you rest in peace, Officer Rodman. Thank you for your service.

End of Watch-March 29, 2017.

To watch live video click:
http://www.wlky.com/article/public-visitation-for-officer-rodman-set-for-monday/9222755

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What Are You Waiting For?

life

Have you ever been in the position of waiting?

living well, authentic living, life coach, true intimacy, women's mentor, warrior and advocate for women, emotionally healthy living, recovery, it's what matters most, gratitude, nurturing, there for you, home

 

Maybe you’re waiting to hear about a job, or perhaps you are shopping for your first house.

Waiting to get pregnant.

Or married.

Or to overcome the addiction; to graduate from school or to rebuild a broken relationship.

We’ve all been there.

Maybe you’re waiting and you’re not exactly sure what it is you’re waiting on?

I recently attended a class entitled What to Do While You Wait.

You’re not alone.

Studies have been done on the effects waiting has on us. The consensus is that waiting can bring out the worst in us. Waiting tends to bring to  surface those feelings of injustice. We get all riled up when someone cuts in line.  Or you’re sitting in the doctor’s office, and not one but THREE people are called before you are.

One of the hardest things by far is to watch someone get the exact thing that you’ve been waiting on for so many years.

I experienced that about 28 years ago when trying to get pregnant. All of my friends were becoming mothers for the second and third time while I was waiting to have my first.

Waiting can cause personal growth if we are open to it. In the class I attended, we were encouraged to make waiting the event, not what we are actually waiting on.

Because it’s ALWAYS about the journey.

Always.

Who you become while you are waiting is the MAIN THING.

So what are you waiting for? What is that thing in your life that you have been waiting to come to pass? What is it you’re hoping to see? What are you doing while you wait?

What do we do while we wait?

We live. Live! LIVE!

Don’t forget to live!

We can get so caught up with the waiting that we forget life is happening all around us! We can get so caught up with waiting that we miss the opportunities along the way.

The speaker of the class I attended shared the journey of adopting twin girls from Haiti. He and his wife started the process of adoption when those girls were five years old. They were finally able to take them home when the girls were eight.

“Be a family now”, was their mantra. Do whatever it is you need to do to be whatever it is you want to see.

Because good things happen while you wait.

Don’t miss it.

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What is Normal?

life

The baby of our family (who is 20) came to me in October and asked me if the bump on the side of his neck was “normal”.

What is normal anyway?

relationships, mothering, faith in God

The bump was the size of a big marble or giant gumball. Nope, it didn’t look normal to me. Our family doctor didn’t know what the bump was either, so he ran some blood tests which came back “normal”.

What is normal again?

He made an appointment for Luke to see an ENT.  The ear, nose and throat doctor wasn’t sure what was going on either, so he ordered a biopsy.

I decided it was time to get involved up-close and personal, whether Luke wanted me there or not;  so my husband and I made plans to go with him for the biopsy.

Biopsy

Hodgkin

Cancer

Malignant

These aren’t words that have been part of my life.

Things had changed.

The morning after the biopsy, I found myself alone at home,  curled up in a ball, crying out to God and just plain crying;  praying for a normal reading and begging God to let this not be cancer;  trying to cut a deal with God- that He could  give it to me please. Please?!! Just not my baby…

And I realized then that THAT is normal.

Many mothers before me, and I’m sure countless after, will pray those same prayers, say those same words and try to strike a deal with God.

In the midst of those tears and prayers I was gently prompted with this: “Do you trust Me?”

“Yes God, I do, but not my baby. Please, not my baby.”

Amzie Smith, a 17 year old girl in Louisville, Kentucky who inspired so many with her faith through her battle with cancer, died yesterday.   WDRB in Louisville reported this: according to an online post from Tad Douglas, Amzie’s stepfather, Amzie “passed away peacefully” Friday afternoon holding hands with her family members, “as she went to be with the Lord.”

Amzie’s lived her short life well.

So why was Luke different? Why was I?

I turned Luke’s life and my will over to the loving care of my Father who knows way better than I that there is a greater purpose and higher reasons for things I do not understand.

On Thursday, I went with Luke to hear the results of the biopsy. The Ear, Nose and Throat doctor’s office is located in a building called The Cancer Center. I pulled into the parking space and gathered my courage and faith as Luke and I quietly walked inside. I glanced around at the many faces who more than likely were fighting cancer in various stages. I prayed that they would find peace and healing.

I pondered and fidgeted as we waited for the doctor.

The biopsy came back with no abnormalities.

I am thankful Luke is healthy, and grateful for a God of mercy, love and compassion.

And I pray that faith in God becomes normal for others who find themselves in similar situations.

Click here to read more about Amzie.

 

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A Higher Purpose

life

The last day of 2016.

A time for reflections.

It was a hard year for a lot of people, on many levels. We all know of the seemingly greater-than-average celebrity deaths of this year,  with the latest being Carrie Fisher/Debbie Reynolds, leaving this world, mother and daughter, one day apart from each other. That doesn’t include all the others…

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But so much more has happened too. Don’t get me wrong, these lives matter, all lives do, and these high profile people are making the news, but what about the rest of humanity?

People, ordinary people who have experienced tragic events, losing a spouse or a child or a parent. No fanfare, no outpouring of love and sympathy for them on such a grand scale, but equally important and life-changing. Average people doing life, dealing with loss.

There are those among us who have lost their job for whatever reason. The worry and fear that comes along with that.

Those with addictions or a loved one who is using.

Divorce.

Abuse.

Legal trouble.

Illness.

And the list goes on.

Yes, it’s been a tough year on many levels. But at the same time,  in the midst of all of this tragedy,  life is happening.

Babies are born.

Couples wed.

New adventures and jobs come along.

Healing…

But here’s the deal, all of these things are life, people doing life. The ebb and flow of good and bad situations.

The best line I heard all year is this: “No one is getting out of here alive”.

Truth.

There has to be a greater reason, a higher purpose than we mere mortals can comprehend. For what purpose can it serve to suddenly and tragically lose your teenage child who is just learning to drive in a senseless accident?

How can there be a reason for a terminal illness to overcome an entire family, leaving them motherless, wifeless?

It’s in the seeking;  that’s where answers are found. Not necessarily the answers to the problems or struggles themselves.

It’s in the yielding and letting go.

It’s in the holding on to God.

No one gets out of this life alive.

Not you, not me.

This life will end for each of us.  All the suffering and life-events will have served their purpose and then we will know for sure.

Wouldn’t it be better to know before?

The greater purpose and reason.

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I’m Late!

life

I’m late to the game. I usually am, which is really kind of weird for me because I’m actually a very punctual person. Being early is good. Being on time is late, and being late? Well that’s not happening in my life! Just ask my kids~

life, relationships, authentic living, courage

But here’s the deal…I want to be Dr. Brene’ Brown.  I recently heard of TED Talks. Someone mentioned Brene’ Brown’s YouTube vid from TED Talk, so I Googled it!

In case you don’t know what TED Talk is: it’s a nonpartisan non-profit devoted to spreading ideas, usually in the form of short, powerful talks. TED began in 1984 (I’m so late)  as a conference where Technology, Entertainment and Design  converged, and today covers almost all topics–from science to business to global issues–in more than 110 languages.

According to her website, BreneBrown.com, she  is a research professor (Researcher+Storyteller) at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past thirteen years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame.

She put into words so many things that have been tumbling around in my head.

But here’s the real deal, I don’t really want to be Brene’ Brown. I want to be me, thanks, in part to what I have heard her say and what I’ve read, but mostly, because of God and the power He has to take things meant for harm and turn them around for good.

I’ve never really wanted to just be me before but that’s another topic. I’m getting ahead of myself~

November 4, 2015 was a pivotal day in my life. Perhaps it was the most pivotal day of all. Not only was it the day of my dear friend Jan’s burial,  but another important event took place in my life that day. One that most people don’t even know about.

There are a handful of close family and friends that do know about it. Most who do, don’t really get it. They can’t. Truthfully, it’s taken me this long to begin to understand the impact of exactly what that day meant in my life.

The information that Dr. Brene’ Brown shares has helped me to begin to form actual words for the emotions, thoughts and experiences that I have had since November 4, 2015, and all the days leading up to that date.

Brene’ Brown says some may call it a breakdown, the things she learned and experienced after her research on the subjects of shame, vulnerability, worthiness, connection and courage, but she has come to see it as a spiritual awakening.

Me too, Brene, me too…

I have had a breakdown spiritual awakening myself.

For this post I will leave it at that, but I’ll throw these five gems in for good measure.

  1. Things aren’t always what they seem.
  2. It ain’t over till it’s over.
  3. God has a purpose.
  4. Just do the next thing.
  5. Rest in what you know.

And it wouldn’t hurt to take time to breathe, relax and color!

 

 

 

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Ways Cell Phones Have Affected our Lives

life

My daughter was watching an old episode of 7th Heaven a few days ago and I was sucked in. Some things never change. I can’t resist 7th Heaven even to this day, although, thanks to my daughter, I’ve seen many episodes multiple times.

relationships, authentic living, hope, cell phone

This particular episode was when the Camdens decided to join the modern world and get Ruthie a cell phone, and themselves phones as well.

I chuckled at the antics of the newbie cell phone usage and heard myself saying, “Who does that?” And “Nobody does that”. And then it hit me.

It was an exaggerated form of cell phone usage, but true on many levels, just like most television shows are, only now, it’s such a part of our culture that we no longer notice.

Cell phones are as common as air these days. No one thinks of it. We just use them. I remember when it wasn’t a given that someone had a cell phone. Not so today.

Don’t get me wrong, cell phones are great! So great that I decided to make a list of the things that cell phones have made better in our lives.

  1. Cell phones have given us the ability to get in touch with anyone we want (as long as we know their numbers) at any time we want.
  2. Cell phones has brought parenting to a whole new level. We have the ability to parent from afar.
  3.  Cell phones has brought parenting to a whole new level. Our relationships with our kids are long-distance.
  4. Cell phones has allowed us to have long-distance relationships with anyone.
  5.  Cell phones have given us an excuse to have long-distance relationships when we could have face-to-face.
  6. Cell phones have allowed us to spend more time playing the games we could only play at home on our computers.
  7. Cell phones have allowed us to take our addictions with us. Yeah, we’re going there.
  8.  Cell phones have increased the porn industry by leaps and bounds.
  9.  Cell phones have given us false courage. We can text instead of having face-to-face to settle a conflict instead of shooting off a bunch of inappropriate texts.
  10.  Cell phones have given us the ability to have affairs or secret relationships.
  11. Cell phones have given us the ability to keep up with the news, keep up with sports and…AND keep up with the Jones as we look at what is going on in their lives, comparing their outsides to our insides and become even more unsatisfied with our lives than ever before.

Yeah, we’ve come a long way, baby. Cell phones are a very good thing for our society as a whole. It was an invention of ingenuity, yet it has enabled us to feed our me-focused world. We can take selfies CONSTANTLY, and post them  on all the social media platforms or just that special one we choose. We can spend hours playing with those selfies, making them look funny, cute, silly, scary, sexy or however we want them to look. 

I’m not anti-cell phone. I’m really not!

I am pro intentional about our lives. We only get one.

How have cell phones affected your life?

Disclaimer: I actually the wonderful world of technology for the photo in this post. 🙂

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Words

life

Words are an interesting thing. The sermons have been about words the last two weeks at the church I attend. Words are so very important.

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The Bible speaks of words often. God created the earth and heaven with words. He spoke all of this into existence and it still stands today by the power of the words He spoke. We are created in His image, with the power to create with our words.

Life and death are in the power of the tongue. We can speak words of life or death. It’s up to us the words we speak. Well, sort of…

The Bible also tells us that our mouths naturally speak whatever is in our hearts. That explains a lot.

You can act as nice as you want, or pretend you aren’t bothered by anything but when something goes a wee bit awry, things come out of your mouth that oftentimes leaves even the one who spoke them in a bit of shock.

That’s because we let our guards down and whatever is in there, truly deep-down inside, it comes spewing out. Some people call this a need for anger management.

I think it is more of a heart issue.

I really didn’t intend to write about this subject when I sat down to write, but there it is. I am a firm believer in the power of being positive…positive thinking and speaking. It takes just as much energy to be positive as it does to be negative. So there’s that…But there’s more to it than just saying a bunch of words and thinking you believe them.

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. It has to be in your heart. It really doesn’t matter how many positive and affirmative things you speak, if it’s not in your heart then it’s not what you think or believe and if that’s the case, then it doesn’t really matter what comes out of your mouth.

Except it does.

Words have power regardless. They just do. They can pack a punch that can leave you in a puddle of emotions for days, if you let them.

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.

Not true!

Words can hurt the worse.

Words truly do tell the story of what’s inside of your heart.

And that’s the whole point…what’s inside your heart. That’s who you are.

Once we understand that, then perhaps the world will be a better place.

One person, one word at a time~

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Do YOU Have a Resume?

life

Do YOU have a resume? Not one just in your head, but a written down, saved to your computer resume? I do…now. It was on my to-do list for the weekend.

Mow the backyard √

Attend church √

Write a resume √

I’m at the age when many of my friends are retiring, or getting close. Me? I’m writing a resume and sending it out. Why?

Life doesn’t always turn out the way you plan.

So just in case, have a resume, they say. And so I listened…finally.

I mean, I’ve been doing pretty well for the past twenty-five plus years but I think it’s time for a change. And the change includes a resume.

I was actually surprised and even impressed with the resume I came up with, as they said I would be. So now it’s done but…

What do you do when life doesn’t turn out the way you planned?

I was mowing my grass a bit ago. Just the backyard, mind you. I was going along, getting the job done when all of a sudden the front right wheel fell off!

living well, authentic living, life coach, true intimacy, women's mentor, warrior and advocate for women, emotionally healthy living, recovery, it's what matters most, gratitude, nurturing, there for you, home

I wasn’t a happy camper. I had a goal. I wanted to get er done, and I did. But I think, if I were honest, I actually made the job way harder than it had to be.

Who does that?

Mows a yard with a mower that only has three wheels?

I looked at my options and I didn’t like any of them. This goal, this idea or plan didn’t quite turn out the way I had planned so I chose a different path. But I wondered, as I trudged along behind this crippled mower, pressing down a bit harder on the handle to insure that the mower didn’t eat more than what it was expected to cut if it would have been operating properly.

That’s the thing…in a perfect world, where all our dreams and ideas come to pass exactly how we plan, we might not need a resume at the age of retirement.

I wondered too, if perhaps my faith wasn’t being tested. Perhaps I needed to roll the broken-down mower into the garage and wait to see what God provided.

I know I need to do my part, but sometimes I wonder if I’m not doing His part too? Is that how I have conducted most of my life? Because I am starting to get that you have to let go of the old to make room for the new.

Sometimes that can be a hard thing to discern.

But I’m learning.

And now, I have a resume.

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It Was Enough

Hope Coach

Funny how some days just get emotional, like out of the blue, for no apparent reason. Sunday was like that for me, but something small happened that was enough to fill my heart.

living well, authentic living, life coach, true intimacy, women's mentor, warrior and advocate for women, emotionally healthy living, recovery, it's what matters most, gratitude, nurturing, there for you, home

The day started in a good way, a connection with a loved one of my dear friend Jan, who left this world last year.

The church service was good as Kyle continued to talk about the Gift of Desperation.

I wrapped up a fun 24 hours with my dog nephew, Moby.

And I attended the shower of a young woman I’ve known since she was in elementary school, a good friend of my daughter. My how time flies. It was good seeing the faces of those I haven’t seen in a while, hugging them and exchanging news of families and growing kids.

I’m not going to lie, I left the shower with a feeling of sadness that I didn’t quite get. I know enough about sadness (or any emotion for that matter) to know that feelings are just feelings. They don’t have to make sense, they don’t have to have anything to do with intellect and they definitely won’t last forever. I know too, that experiencing feelings and staying with them usually leads to self-awareness and promotes personal growth, and oftentimes spills over to other relationships.

Sunday, one tiny thing was enough.

I returned home from the bridal shower to sit and ponder the events of the day; happy times, good food and meaningful re-connections. My daughter was sitting outside as well and asked me if I had read the latest Facebook post from my son, the one in Slovakia. I asked her to read it aloud.

It was filled with events of the past week and some upcoming plans. I always enjoy his updates.

A little later I re-read his post on my phone and happened to see a few comments. I read an exchange that was enough to cause a tear to run down my cheek…okay, maybe a few tears and both cheeks were definitely involved. Someone had complimented his writing and he replied: “I think I get that from my mom”.

That was it. That was enough.

It was enough to help me realize that I was missing my boys, him and his brother who moved away six weeks ago.

It was enough to help me grieve a little bit more of those rapid-fire days of childhood now gone. Wasn’t it just yesterday when this bride-to-be was hanging at my house, spending time playing games, baking cookies, doing hair and watching movies all night with my daughter?

It was enough to help me know that no matter the distance, hearts can still connect.

It was enough to make me grateful for time spent with family and friends even when they are gone, whether it be to a far away country or from this world altogether.

It was enough to remind me that time stands still for no one, and living in the present, fully engaged is the only way to do life.

It was enough for that day.

Because this feeling too shall pass and there will be more to come.

The happy.

The sad.

The missing.

The excitement.

The connections.

But today?

Today it was enough.

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