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I’m Late!

life

I’m late to the game. I usually am, which is really kind of weird for me because I’m actually a very punctual person. Being early is good. Being on time is late, and being late? Well that’s not happening in my life! Just ask my kids~

life, relationships, authentic living, courage

But here’s the deal…I want to be Dr. Brene’ Brown.  I recently heard of TED Talks. Someone mentioned Brene’ Brown’s YouTube vid from TED Talk, so I Googled it!

In case you don’t know what TED Talk is: it’s a nonpartisan non-profit devoted to spreading ideas, usually in the form of short, powerful talks. TED began in 1984 (I’m so late)  as a conference where Technology, Entertainment and Design  converged, and today covers almost all topics–from science to business to global issues–in more than 110 languages.

According to her website, BreneBrown.com, she  is a research professor (Researcher+Storyteller) at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past thirteen years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame.

She put into words so many things that have been tumbling around in my head.

But here’s the real deal, I don’t really want to be Brene’ Brown. I want to be me, thanks, in part to what I have heard her say and what I’ve read, but mostly, because of God and the power He has to take things meant for harm and turn them around for good.

I’ve never really wanted to just be me before but that’s another topic. I’m getting ahead of myself~

November 4, 2015 was a pivotal day in my life. Perhaps it was the most pivotal day of all. Not only was it the day of my dear friend Jan’s burial,  but another important event took place in my life that day. One that most people don’t even know about.

There are a handful of close family and friends that do know about it. Most who do, don’t really get it. They can’t. Truthfully, it’s taken me this long to begin to understand the impact of exactly what that day meant in my life.

The information that Dr. Brene’ Brown shares has helped me to begin to form actual words for the emotions, thoughts and experiences that I have had since November 4, 2015, and all the days leading up to that date.

Brene’ Brown says some may call it a breakdown, the things she learned and experienced after her research on the subjects of shame, vulnerability, worthiness, connection and courage, but she has come to see it as a spiritual awakening.

Me too, Brene, me too…

I have had a breakdown spiritual awakening myself.

For this post I will leave it at that, but I’ll throw these five gems in for good measure.

  1. Things aren’t always what they seem.
  2. It ain’t over till it’s over.
  3. God has a purpose.
  4. Just do the next thing.
  5. Rest in what you know.

And it wouldn’t hurt to take time to breathe, relax and color!

 

 

 

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Ways Cell Phones Have Affected our Lives

life

My daughter was watching an old episode of 7th Heaven a few days ago and I was sucked in. Some things never change. I can’t resist 7th Heaven even to this day, although, thanks to my daughter, I’ve seen many episodes multiple times.

relationships, authentic living, hope, cell phone

This particular episode was when the Camdens decided to join the modern world and get Ruthie a cell phone, and themselves phones as well.

I chuckled at the antics of the newbie cell phone usage and heard myself saying, “Who does that?” And “Nobody does that”. And then it hit me.

It was an exaggerated form of cell phone usage, but true on many levels, just like most television shows are, only now, it’s such a part of our culture that we no longer notice.

Cell phones are as common as air these days. No one thinks of it. We just use them. I remember when it wasn’t a given that someone had a cell phone. Not so today.

Don’t get me wrong, cell phones are great! So great that I decided to make a list of the things that cell phones have made better in our lives.

  1. Cell phones have given us the ability to get in touch with anyone we want (as long as we know their numbers) at any time we want.
  2. Cell phones has brought parenting to a whole new level. We have the ability to parent from afar.
  3.  Cell phones has brought parenting to a whole new level. Our relationships with our kids are long-distance.
  4. Cell phones has allowed us to have long-distance relationships with anyone.
  5.  Cell phones have given us an excuse to have long-distance relationships when we could have face-to-face.
  6. Cell phones have allowed us to spend more time playing the games we could only play at home on our computers.
  7. Cell phones have allowed us to take our addictions with us. Yeah, we’re going there.
  8.  Cell phones have increased the porn industry by leaps and bounds.
  9.  Cell phones have given us false courage. We can text instead of having face-to-face to settle a conflict instead of shooting off a bunch of inappropriate texts.
  10.  Cell phones have given us the ability to have affairs or secret relationships.
  11. Cell phones have given us the ability to keep up with the news, keep up with sports and…AND keep up with the Jones as we look at what is going on in their lives, comparing their outsides to our insides and become even more unsatisfied with our lives than ever before.

Yeah, we’ve come a long way, baby. Cell phones are a very good thing for our society as a whole. It was an invention of ingenuity, yet it has enabled us to feed our me-focused world. We can take selfies CONSTANTLY, and post them  on all the social media platforms or just that special one we choose. We can spend hours playing with those selfies, making them look funny, cute, silly, scary, sexy or however we want them to look. 

I’m not anti-cell phone. I’m really not!

I am pro intentional about our lives. We only get one.

How have cell phones affected your life?

Disclaimer: I actually the wonderful world of technology for the photo in this post. 🙂

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Words

life

Words are an interesting thing. The sermons have been about words the last two weeks at the church I attend. Words are so very important.

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The Bible speaks of words often. God created the earth and heaven with words. He spoke all of this into existence and it still stands today by the power of the words He spoke. We are created in His image, with the power to create with our words.

Life and death are in the power of the tongue. We can speak words of life or death. It’s up to us the words we speak. Well, sort of…

The Bible also tells us that our mouths naturally speak whatever is in our hearts. That explains a lot.

You can act as nice as you want, or pretend you aren’t bothered by anything but when something goes a wee bit awry, things come out of your mouth that oftentimes leaves even the one who spoke them in a bit of shock.

That’s because we let our guards down and whatever is in there, truly deep-down inside, it comes spewing out. Some people call this a need for anger management.

I think it is more of a heart issue.

I really didn’t intend to write about this subject when I sat down to write, but there it is. I am a firm believer in the power of being positive…positive thinking and speaking. It takes just as much energy to be positive as it does to be negative. So there’s that…But there’s more to it than just saying a bunch of words and thinking you believe them.

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. It has to be in your heart. It really doesn’t matter how many positive and affirmative things you speak, if it’s not in your heart then it’s not what you think or believe and if that’s the case, then it doesn’t really matter what comes out of your mouth.

Except it does.

Words have power regardless. They just do. They can pack a punch that can leave you in a puddle of emotions for days, if you let them.

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.

Not true!

Words can hurt the worse.

Words truly do tell the story of what’s inside of your heart.

And that’s the whole point…what’s inside your heart. That’s who you are.

Once we understand that, then perhaps the world will be a better place.

One person, one word at a time~

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Do YOU Have a Resume?

life

Do YOU have a resume? Not one just in your head, but a written down, saved to your computer resume? I do…now. It was on my to-do list for the weekend.

Mow the backyard √

Attend church √

Write a resume √

I’m at the age when many of my friends are retiring, or getting close. Me? I’m writing a resume and sending it out. Why?

Life doesn’t always turn out the way you plan.

So just in case, have a resume, they say. And so I listened…finally.

I mean, I’ve been doing pretty well for the past twenty-five plus years but I think it’s time for a change. And the change includes a resume.

I was actually surprised and even impressed with the resume I came up with, as they said I would be. So now it’s done but…

What do you do when life doesn’t turn out the way you planned?

I was mowing my grass a bit ago. Just the backyard, mind you. I was going along, getting the job done when all of a sudden the front right wheel fell off!

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I wasn’t a happy camper. I had a goal. I wanted to get er done, and I did. But I think, if I were honest, I actually made the job way harder than it had to be.

Who does that?

Mows a yard with a mower that only has three wheels?

I looked at my options and I didn’t like any of them. This goal, this idea or plan didn’t quite turn out the way I had planned so I chose a different path. But I wondered, as I trudged along behind this crippled mower, pressing down a bit harder on the handle to insure that the mower didn’t eat more than what it was expected to cut if it would have been operating properly.

That’s the thing…in a perfect world, where all our dreams and ideas come to pass exactly how we plan, we might not need a resume at the age of retirement.

I wondered too, if perhaps my faith wasn’t being tested. Perhaps I needed to roll the broken-down mower into the garage and wait to see what God provided.

I know I need to do my part, but sometimes I wonder if I’m not doing His part too? Is that how I have conducted most of my life? Because I am starting to get that you have to let go of the old to make room for the new.

Sometimes that can be a hard thing to discern.

But I’m learning.

And now, I have a resume.

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It Was Enough

Hope Coach

Funny how some days just get emotional, like out of the blue, for no apparent reason. Sunday was like that for me, but something small happened that was enough to fill my heart.

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The day started in a good way, a connection with a loved one of my dear friend Jan, who left this world last year.

The church service was good as Kyle continued to talk about the Gift of Desperation.

I wrapped up a fun 24 hours with my dog nephew, Moby.

And I attended the shower of a young woman I’ve known since she was in elementary school, a good friend of my daughter. My how time flies. It was good seeing the faces of those I haven’t seen in a while, hugging them and exchanging news of families and growing kids.

I’m not going to lie, I left the shower with a feeling of sadness that I didn’t quite get. I know enough about sadness (or any emotion for that matter) to know that feelings are just feelings. They don’t have to make sense, they don’t have to have anything to do with intellect and they definitely won’t last forever. I know too, that experiencing feelings and staying with them usually leads to self-awareness and promotes personal growth, and oftentimes spills over to other relationships.

Sunday, one tiny thing was enough.

I returned home from the bridal shower to sit and ponder the events of the day; happy times, good food and meaningful re-connections. My daughter was sitting outside as well and asked me if I had read the latest Facebook post from my son, the one in Slovakia. I asked her to read it aloud.

It was filled with events of the past week and some upcoming plans. I always enjoy his updates.

A little later I re-read his post on my phone and happened to see a few comments. I read an exchange that was enough to cause a tear to run down my cheek…okay, maybe a few tears and both cheeks were definitely involved. Someone had complimented his writing and he replied: “I think I get that from my mom”.

That was it. That was enough.

It was enough to help me realize that I was missing my boys, him and his brother who moved away six weeks ago.

It was enough to help me grieve a little bit more of those rapid-fire days of childhood now gone. Wasn’t it just yesterday when this bride-to-be was hanging at my house, spending time playing games, baking cookies, doing hair and watching movies all night with my daughter?

It was enough to help me know that no matter the distance, hearts can still connect.

It was enough to make me grateful for time spent with family and friends even when they are gone, whether it be to a far away country or from this world altogether.

It was enough to remind me that time stands still for no one, and living in the present, fully engaged is the only way to do life.

It was enough for that day.

Because this feeling too shall pass and there will be more to come.

The happy.

The sad.

The missing.

The excitement.

The connections.

But today?

Today it was enough.

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Life is a Curious Thing

Hope Coach

Life is a curious thing as Amy Grant wrote in one of her songs. It really is.

I have been dealing with back issues for the past week and a half. I don’t have back issues…

I twisted it getting out of bed and that was that. I’ve been living on ibuprofen for awhile now, trying to minimize the use of my back, which is hard to do considering I have a small cleaning business which requires manual labor. Not often, mind you, but enough to make it a must to have a healthy…everything!

I was talking with a customer today. I don’t usually run into her, although I do a few jobs for her on a weekly basis. She was running late so we chatted a bit while she got her things together to leave.

She has tons of framed photos sitting around in several of the rooms I attend to, and I asked her if she had any grand kids. I was really just making conversation but her reply surprised me. She has two adult children, both married, however, she said she didn’t have any grandchildren and probably never would.

She said her son was scared to death to have kids because his younger sister, her daughter, has a rare disease which has caused kidney problems. She said her daughter has one of her kidneys and one of her husband’s, the daughter’s dad.

Wow!

Life is a curious thing because from the outside looking in, you would think that this couple has it all together. They live a pretty good life in comparison to others I know. They enjoy each other. They own their own business. They own real estate. They travel. They have friends. They are very social and do a lot of fun things with family and friends.

Yet their daughter is on dialysis. She spends a lot of her time in doctors’ offices, yet more time still helping those who are “less fortunate” than she is.

Life is a curious thing.

“Never compare your inside with the outside of others”, is a saying in the rooms of recovery. I’ve heard it before. I get it too. Yet not as much as I got it today.

This beautiful, “lucky” woman that I admire greatly has a daughter with a serious illness and has had it most of her life.

It gave me pause to reflect on the things I have to be grateful for in a whole new way, because today, I am once again reminded that life is a curious thing.

You don’t know what you don’t know.

I’ve had my share of troubles. Let me count the ways.

But today, at this precise moment, I am grateful for the good health of my kids. I am grateful that they are safe and enjoying fulfilling, albeit sometimes mundane, lives.

I am grateful for my family and friends.

I am grateful for life’s experiences even though things haven’t always turned out exactly like I planned.

I am grateful because…

Life is a curious thing.

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What If?

Hope Coach

I watch, I listen and I read the text messages; not as an innocent bystander to the issues being discussed, but as a fellow sojourner. Me too, I think as I hear the pain and depths of despair. Me too.

But what if?

I know the importance of having a tribe; a group of people to talk with, to be vulnerable with, to be able to share openly and honestly with, knowing that you won’t be judged or rejected. To just be…

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This group of women who share their hearts, experiences and fears support each other in a way that is both special and loving, though I can’t help but to think they are missing a piece of the puzzle that could make all the difference in the world.

The woman who had to live through the hell of her husband’s infidelity and watch as the family they had created together being dismantled, piece by piece, turning a once loving family into a battleground of legalese. Then standing by while he married the “new love” he had found. The pain of betrayal alone is sometimes too great to bare on so many levels, and yet, she had to, all the while trying to be strong and do the right thing for the kids. Doesn’t matter if they are adults or on the threshold of  becoming so.

As I read the exchange of texts, encouragement offered, prayers said, instilling support with the message that you are not alone, my mind wandered back to what if?

What if you could accept that the loving God that you put your trust in, has brought this into your life for a purpose? Not as a punishment or judgement of some wrong done, but because He loves you so much and He wants the best for you.

What if you could let go of all that you think you know about God and the Bible, and allow Him to show you what it is He wants to do?

I know things went horribly wrong. I know it hurts beyond words to describe, but what if, when the unthinkable happens, God shows up in the devastation to bring sweet, healing change?

Change will mean pain and wading through your junk, the junk you’ve long since buried, or so you thought. Change means unpacking the baggage that you’ve been lugging around for…well…most of your life. It means unpacking and putting away for good, which means that you’re letting go of those hurts for a healthier, more peaceful and joyful life.

But you can’t get there until you do the very hard work of letting go and letting God.

It means letting go of your spiritual facade that all is well if you just trust God, say the right things, pray the right prayers, read the right scriptures, attend the correct amount of church services…

It means getting real (with yourself first) and accepting that the way you’ve always done things hasn’t worked, because you’re still where you were twenty years ago.

It means embracing the pain, acknowledging that you don’t really know what you think you know.

It means letting God be who He is and letting Him do what He want to do in your life.

He’s looking to help you but He can’t do so until you are ready to see the situation you find yourself in to be the avenue He can use to bring about healing.

It means owning your part when it sometimes looks like you have no part to own.

It takes courage, my friend, a huge amount of courage but only the smallest of desires to change.

It takes a willingness to allow Him to do what He wants to do in your life.

What if?

What if you let Him?

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St. Augustine

life

I have a tradition that started when I turned 50. Every year since then, around my birthday, I drive to Jacksonville, Florida to visit my friend Mary. This year, on my birthday, Mary and I took a day trip to St. Augustine.

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Here’s the thing, my birthday is in January. Always has been. It’s cold where I live in January. Not so much in Florida. Typically, I don’t visit my friend on my actual birthday, but this year there were some circumstances that led me to visit just a wee bit earlier, and I was there on my birthday. The weather was great in St. Augustine!

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We walked along the picturesque streets of St. Augustine once we arrived, popping in and out of the quaint shops that line the streets. living well, authentic living, life coach, true intimacy, women's mentor, warrior and advocate for women, emotionally healthy living, recovery, it's what matters most, gratitude, nurturing, there for you, home

The day was crisp and gorgeous, a perfect way to spend my birthday, and yet it wasn’t.

My friend is amazing in her support and encouragement. She wants the best for me, sometimes more than I want it for myself.hope coach, time for you, living well, authentic living, life coach, true intimacy, women's mentor, warrior and advocate for women, emotionally healthy living, recovery, it's what matters most, gratitude, nurturing, there for you, home, grief, grieving

And this particular birthday, due to circumstances I neither wanted or ever expected, I needed just that. Visiting her was what I needed on this birthday, this year.

hope coach, travel blogger, travel, St. Augustine, Florida

We had lunch on the balcony of this historic building overlooking a body of water near the historic part of town. That’s the thing about this trip; it was good, but I don’t remember much about it. I didn’t take notice of much that we did. I just enjoyed the light breeze on my skin as we strolled down the cobblestone streets, and the warmth of the sun, because I knew I was going back to cold in just two days and it would be awhile before I would feel that sensation again.

hope coach, travel blogger, travel, St. Augustine, Florida

And I was right. This was what I went home to. It felt fitting somehow, because this year, this set of circumstances felt very much like Winter in my soul, which is another story for another time.

This trip that I took reminded me of the vacation my family and I took to Disney World in September 2001. We were at EPCOT on 9/11 (see Remembering 9/11) when our country was attacked by terrorists. In fact, we were evacuated from the park, although at the time we didn’t know why. It seemed odd and unfitting to be on vacation while the rest of the country was forever changed and so many people had lost so much.

This was a similar trip for me but on a very minor scale in comparison.

St. Augustine is a wonderful city full of history and attractions. I want to visit again one day when I know I will appreciate the oldest city in our nation more than the trip on my birthday.

But at that time in January, St. Augustine and my friend provided a warmth and distraction that was balm to my soul.

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He’s Gone

life

May 24th has been a tough day for me and my family for 36 years now, with meaning and emotion. This is the anniversary of my younger brother’s death. You can read A Tale of Two Brothers for more of the story.

May is an eventful month, never more than this year. Mother’s Day, of course, which coincided this year with an awards ceremony for my oldest son.

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What better way to spend Mother’s Day than celebrating the achievements of one of your children? The celebrated child just moved out the first of May, my first baby chick to leave the nest.

And then his graduation, with High Distinction (I’m a proud mama!).

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My baby brother has a birthday in May which was always a big deal. I can still recall the day he came home from the hospital, but that’s another story for another day.

My celebrated graduate has a birthday too…

And now, May 24, 2016, my youngest son, my “baby” Luke, is leaving for Slovakia. Luke was driven by his father and me to the airport where we waited until we could no longer wait, to see him off and say good-bye.

hope coach, time for you, living well, authentic living, life coach, true intimacy, women's mentor, warrior and advocate for women, emotionally healthy living, recovery, it's what matters most, gratitude, nurturing, there for you, home, grief, grieving

The day has new meaning.

My younger brother is gone, and has been for 36 long, but quickly-passed-by  years, and now, my youngest child is moving to Slovakia. He is gone, too.

These are two totally different scenarios, I get that. My son will return in August where he will be state-side until March 2017. Then he will join the staff at Josiah Venture for a 2 (ish) year period, where he will be doing what he loves…playing music and sharing his faith with the young folks in various parts of Europe. What mother could ask more for one of her children?

I am excited for him! What an amazing opportunity that has be given him. Without the trip to Czech Republic that he took 2 years ago with Southeast Christian Church he would have never been afforded this opportunity (see The Boy’s Back in Town).

And now here we are, May 24, the day that has held such meaning and emotion for 36 years, now has new meaning and emotions.

I am sad as I remember my brother and the short life he lived.

I am grateful for the time he spent on earth.

I am excited for the adventure Luke has embarked on.

I am missing him already.

His brother I miss as well.

I am hopeful that this time of newness for my family, my kids, and for what God is bringing to pass in each of our lives and as a family.

But for now, he is gone.

 

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Only So Many Tomorrows

life

I recently read a quote by the late Michael Landon:

“Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.”

Only so many tomorrows?

hope coach, life coach, women's mentor, authentic living, transitioning women, living well

I know many people who would testify to this. There are only so many tomorrows, it’s true. But I can’t help but to think that we truly weren’t meant to live our lives with the end in sight. Or were we? We all know that our days are numbered but most of us just take it for granted that our days will be many before they end.

According to the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation, the life expectancy for the average female (it varies a bit by state) is 78-82 years of age. That is 27,456 to 28,864 days. That seems like a lot of time to live. But days have a way of turning into weeks, weeks into years, and then a lifetime.

Another quote comes to mind by Gretchen Rubin  “The days are long, but the years are short.”

Just ask my friend who is retiring from her career in the school system.

Or the woman who lost her dear friend to cancer.

Or another woman who lost her husband of many years so suddenly and without warning.

There are really only so many tomorrows and what we do today, each day, matters. Sometimes it just seems like we’re clicking off hours while awaiting the next big event: a birthday, a wedding, the next 3 day weekend, or Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, those things are important, those things matter, but when it’s all said and done, we each only have so many tomorrows, and if tomorrow never comes, well…then today counts.

I remember the years when my kids were small and it seemed like the days would last forever. Sometimes they did! But the years…the years have a way of sneaking by, catching you unaware when the child is no longer a child. The child is a young adult driving, dating, going off to college or moving to Slovakia, just to pull one out of the air.

There are only so many tomorrows and none of us know how many we have been granted. Living life fully present adds value to the time, not just to you but to those you care about.

Knowing there are only so many tomorrows might be the thing to keep in mind as we live out our lives one day at a time.

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