This was published (accidentally) on Sunday. Not sure how that happened. I’m sure it was something techie I didn’t know I did. I revised and here it is…mostly how it was, without (some of) the mistakes.
I was talking with a friend the other day. She went through a divorce three years ago. She causally mentioned the books on tape; support groups; and studies on divorce recovery that she utilized to help her through that very difficult time in her life. She compared the differences in her life; the then and now. She also spoke of her “new life”.
That’s when my “ah-ha” moment occurred.
We talked about various difficulties we had each dealt with during our lifespan, and are dealing with even now. I was wondering while we were chatting, (and oftentimes while I am alone), why is it that it seems as if I haven’t moved pass the pain and grief of losing everything; my home and the rental properties, quite as thoroughly as my friend, and others who experience trying times?
I certainly know that I have moved past the crisis point, but the ups and downs; and the questions and such, and the living out the everydayness of my new life…well, I’m just not there yet (as often as I want to be, anyway).
That’s when it hit me that the main reason for my stuck-ness is that I am going this alone (aside from the help of God). I am navigating this big, wide, expansive ocean of rebuilding after losing it all, without the help of books, tapes, studies, groups or even people who have been where I am. There is nothing out there like that for people who have gone through what my family has.
Grief and loss, no matter what it is, have some general things in common. To sit and talk with someone who has been where I am would be a big asset to me. I understand how very important it is to have people in your life that will let you be exactly who you are and where you are, when you need to be, without being judged.
In my humble opinion, I believe that the Church has failed to step up in this crisis situation and address this monumental problem that is affecting families across the nation.
I know several pastors of churches, and/or those who are in leadership positions in a church. Not one of these people has asked how we are doing; or if there is anything they could do to help, or to tell us they were praying for us. Not one has even acknowledged what we went through.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming, nor am I angry. In fact, I do understand the many reasons why people steer clear of the topic. This saddens me, because not only are we who are dealing with the pain and grief of the loss while trying to make a “new life” for our families, we are also dealing with the stigma of the situation, and the feelings of being judged by what others perceive as irresponsibility. Trust me; we are judging ourselves more harshly than any outsider could ever begin to judge us.
I see this foreclosure crisis that our nation has faced in the past few years, and will continue to face during our “economic recovery” as a huge ministry opportunity, and I see that the church has missed it. Will we choose to continue doing so, I can’t help but wonder?
I know that the work one must do to be able to move forward after such a life-altering event is one that rests mainly on the shoulders of the person going through the trial. That holds true for any difficult situation one faces. I also know it is better if you have someone who is there helping; bearing each other’s burdens.
This “ah-ha” moment gleaned from chatting with my friend helped me tremendously in going a little easier on myself because I’m not as far along in this mental and emotional process as I so deem myself to be.
Although I am more caring and attentive to those who are suffering (for whatever reason) after having gone through what we did, this also leaves me with a huge desire to see, start and/or assist the Church in coming alongside others who are experiencing the same thing.